Where my heart is today

Christmas letter for 2010

I have no lofty or impacting stories to tell this Christmas letter. I can say that our family is healthy, we have a roof over our heads, and great food to place on our table. Our focus this past year has been on growing our faithfulness to our Saviour, and growing closer as a family. We developed a family mission this summer which now hangs in our dining room, it goes something like this....”In this HOME, we read, listen, bike, hike and CLIMB. We are travelers. We like Annie's macaroni. We argue, pray and forgive. GOD PROVIDES. We dance, take walks, and sing. We count our trials as blessings. WE DO ART. We like hot chocolate. We like maple syrup from trees. WE ARE JESUS FOLLOWERS. We practice hospitality. We TRUST in the Lord. We delight in the changing seasons. We LOVE!”
Elijah and Gabe continue to find balance in their roles as brothers and sons. We are learning by trial and error, not to parent them out of fear (thank you Pastor Neal). As time allowed this summer, we escaped Mount Vernon for a trip to the Smokey Mountains to rough it a bit in a small cabin. Great times had by all.
John is undertaking another project of restoring an older VW wagon, right now only he can appreciate the hidden beauty! After many hours spent researching, John built his own kiln, and since then has reacquainted himself with his love of pottery. He has starting making and selling clay tiles at a local art gallery. God continues to provide sick people for me to take care of, and the wisdom to know how to meet them where they are.
As we come into this season of Christmas trees, warm cookies, and hallelujah choruses, we are thankful for our friends and family both far and near. We look ahead as a family at 2011, and realize the hope that we have to give, the hope of purpose, and meaning, and love, the hope of Jesus. We remember the reason for this important time in history, a time filled with turmoil, angels singing, and the birth of one who would change the course of history. So I end this letter and ask you to hear the voice of Linus on stage with one light shining.
"'And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. And suddenly
there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.'"
"......That's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown."
In this time of need, both physically and spiritually, know that you are prayed for by us. God places each of you on our hearts and in our minds at different times throughout the year. It is during these times whether at work, praying before meals or in the middle of night, that we stand in the gap praying for His mercy and grace in your lives. May you feel His presence in the coming year!
Merry Christmas

John, Jenni, Elijah, and Gabriel

The most popular song

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"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me....
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see.

T'was Grace that taught...
my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear...
the hour I first believed.

Through many dangers, toils and snares...
we have already come.
T'was Grace that brought us safe thus far...
and Grace will lead us home.

The Lord has promised good to me...
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be...
as long as life endures.

Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
and mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess within the veil,
a life of joy and peace.

When we've been here ten thousand years...
bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise...
then when we've first begun.

"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me....
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see.

I love this song, I love it even more sung by Judy Collins. I acquired at a young age, a cassette tape of Judy Collins, complete with "Send in the Clowns", and "Amazing Grace". I would stop, start my recorder listening carefully to each verse and word, writing them down, and then memorizing them so I could sing along with Judy. My real life opportunity came to sit front and center at a Judy Collins concert, and what song did she close her concert with....you guessed it "Amazing Grace." I sat memorized, as did the whole room. People mouthed the verses along with her, tears filling the audience regardless of beliefs or lives lived. I have come to realize what a bridge this song is, it reaches people everywhere. It is the most frequent song at funerals, Sunday to Sunday, the lyrics are brought forth in churches. I have tested my theory while bathing older confused patients. I have noticed if I start humming this melody, and then break out into verse, they will most often join in, connecting with the familiar tune. I have bridged the age, and life gap. Thank goodness for that beloved cassette tape, and learning the most popular song, what a difference it has made in my life and others.

Friends or Family

I sat the other night with an older lady as she wept. She had come to see her dying friend one last time, and say goodbye. I listened, reassured her, and then thanked her for being such a great friend. I reminded her that it is a privilege we are given to choose the friends who grace our lives. We are not given the same benefit with family. We are born into a group of people, no choices, no one giving us options. All this to say we are not consulted when our family divorces. I felt fortunate when my folks ended their marriage, because they waited till I was 21. I skipped the whole drama custody hoopla. I am however struggling now, probably more than ever at 38. I lay awake at night wondering if my past, my childhood was real. Do I remember things differently to insulate myself? Divorce is strange in that it interrupts your future, shatters your present, and makes you question your past. I am not suffering any longer, but my own children are the losers, and that is where my struggle is. I pray fervently for my own marriage, that God will preserve the life we are building as parents, and partners. I pray that He will allow me to break the false patterns of my childhood, and help me rise to the occasion of being a positive example of the light and glory of my Lord. Thank goodness we can choose the friends who grace our lives, Lord give us the wisdom to choose wisely. And Jesus knelt down and whispered.....thank you for being such a great friend.

You will hear of rumors of wars

This month is always significant in the life of my family. Significant in the fact that my uncle died at the beginning of this month due to injuries sustained in Vietnam. I had never given much thought about the process involved in bringing the body of a dead soldier home. So I rented this HBO film, not sure of what I was going to see, and all I can say is remarkable. Remarkable in the fact of all that the United States does for the dead men and women who return to U.S. soil. I have never held to a firm stance or opinion regarding the wars going on over in Iraq and Afghanistan. I pray for the men and women fighting over there, for their families and friends who remain here, hoping for a safe return. I follow the new stories of casualties, and embrace hope in Matthew 24:6, "for you will hear of wars and rumors of wars, see that you be not troubled..". This movie changed my view of America, and how people like myself feel about the war, we are proud. In turn I am proud of an uncle I never met, but knew where his heart lay...on American soil.

What became of my dishes

I love antique stores and flea markets, the thick smell of dust and age, rust and metal. As soon as my feet walk over the thresh hold, I feel transported into a different time and age. I love the memories that float around, and timeless stories that are attached to each and every object. Antiques are reminiscent still, that nothing goes along with us when we die, "Store up your treasures in heaven, where rust and moth are unable to destroy." Antiques help us appreciate human invention, simpler ways of life, and demonstrate to us how far we have come in lifestyle and manner. One of my favorite films is Dead Poet's Society with Robin Williams. At the beginning of the movie, the students are taken into the foyer of the school to view some old photos of former students and athletes. To quote Mr. Keating, "They're not that different from you, are they? Same haircuts. Full of hormones, just like you. Invincible, just like you feel. The world is their oyster. They believe they're destined for great things, just like many of you, their eyes are full of hope, just like you. Did they wait until it was too late to make from their lives even one iota of what they were capable? Because, you see gentlemen, these boys are now fertilizing daffodils. But if you listen real close, you can hear them whisper their legacy to you. Go on, lean in. Listen, you hear it? - - Carpe - - hear it? - - Carpe, carpe diem, seize the day boys, make your lives extraordinary." The memories that float on dusty air, were created by people like you and me, who had no idea their prized dishes, photographs and hutches would one day offer up the sweet aromas of dust and age, rust and metal, challenging us to simpler ways to live and love.

Just because

Yeah for Pandora

Here is a word of support for one our favorite listening venues in the L household. We love Pandora, and the way it offers hundreds of stations of fun, love and dance. Our latest listening craze has been the children's folk song station. Elizabeth Mitchell is gaining a great following here as we gather to listen while enjoying our breakfast.

"We have not inherited the earth from our Fathers. We are borrowing it from our children."

In this house

Hangs this picture

Which says this.....a reminder of my family's mission......
"In this house, we read, listen, bike, hike, and climb. We are travelers. We like Annie's macaroni. We argue, pray and forgive. GOD PROVIDES. We dance, take walks and sing. We count our trials as blessings. We do art. WE like hot chocolate. We like maple syrup from trees. WE ARE JESUS FOLLOWERS. We practice hospitality. We trust in the Lord. We delight in changing seasons. We LOVE!
Thanks Emily for your desire to serve and to push us closer to the cross!

Take a look

I saw this movie for the first time a few days ago, watching while trying to avoid concentrating on the treadmill I was walking on. This movie captured my attention. Not everyone will appreciate it as I have. I came from a family of hardworking people, you worked for what you wanted. Frank Goode is a hardworking father of four, a widow, who heads out across the country to see and surprise his children one by one with a visit. His journey allows him to see the landscape, take pictures, and tell people about his life as a lineman, coating telephone wires in plastic. He visits his children, and realizes something alarming, yet significant about each one. The story ends with a touch a sadness, but closure......take a look.

How far away!

How far away I have been, at least that is what I have realized about myself these past few weeks. Far away in thought, about God, my marriage, my children, and my life. My stronghold or anchor has been my growing faith, ever growing, always. As I look over my shoulders backward at the past, and then turn around into the present, I realize today how much closer my relationship to Jesus has become, how close I feel to Him. I see myself stretching and changing, things that were fuzzy before are now clear. Daily I ask for wisdom, and so it is to this I give credit where credit is due. I remember the veil, that thin piece of life that shrouded me before I accepted the Lord as my Saviour, and I remember the moment it lifted. Another veil has lifted, a layer of judgement and lack of information. Being married and having children has caused me to reflect on my own upbringing. I can not imagine my life, marriage or bringing up my children without a spiritual focus, I do not know how my parents did it. I was fortunate to have everything a child/teenager, could ask for or need. I was disciplined sharply, and was raised with morals and values, and mac and cheese, but Jesus was missing. I now see how vital that key ingredient of faith is to home and family. The focus of holidays was never on the true meaning, but rather the glorified worlds view. Meals were never opened in prayer and thanksgiving. Our home at times was filled with worry and fear. So now I focus on my home, and I look at how different my life is, and am thankful that though Jesus was never invited in when I was a child, He always stood at the door knocking.......welcome home!

Great quote

Vengeance is the lazy man's way to mourn

When it all comes together.....

So I went to a women's conference this past weekend, and since then have been both burdened and uplifted by many new thoughts and feelings. The speaker was Lysa Terkeurst from Proverbs31.org. An amazing woman of full of beauty and grace, with a southern drawl to draw you in. Her life stories and testimonies flowed one into another, bringing mixtures of both tears and laughter from her captive audience. I sat memorized, trying to soak every word and emotion in during those two days. She shared from 2 Chronicles 20, the story about King Jehoshaphat and the worrisome situation facing his kingdom. Instead of sending a military show of force during such a critical time, the king send ahead of the army a group of men to sing and praise the Lord. As their songs reached the heights of heaven, the Lord set ambushes against the the opposing armies, and they were defeated. In relation to the current situations of life we all find ourselves a part of, the small armies of worry that surround us, we would do well to send out to the Lord's ears, prayers and praises. What better people, believers we would be. Our problems, worries and concerns would become small in comparison to the greatness of the God we serve. It all comes together when we realize that parts of the Bible we often find insignificant, hold huge examples of God's provision and grace. I am inspired from King Jehoshaphat to trust and leave the result up to God, in spite of the armies of circumstance and worry around me....

2009 Christmas letter

Tale of Three Trees
There were once three trees. The first tree dreamed of holding a treasure. The second tree dreamed of being a strong ship. The third tree dreamed of being the tallest tree in the world. So that when people raised their eyes to heaven to look at her............they would think of God.
One day, wood cutters came and chopped down the trees. The first tree became a feed box for animals. The second tree became a fishing boat. The third tree was cut into beams and left in a pile. The trees eventually forgot their dreams. One night, a lady used the feedbox as a manager for her baby. The first tree knew he was holding the greatest treasure of the world. The second tree was caught in a storm. But with one word, one man calmed the waves. The tree knew he was carrying the King of heaven and earth. One Friday, the third tree was taken from the woodpile. And a man's hands were nailed to her. Sunday, the third tree knew that God's love had changed everything. It had made the first tree beautiful. The second tree strong. And when people look at the third tree, they think of God.
This year in the Leavell household, we have sought to dream big. We now have our own business, OakenBleau Ltd.., which has been a welcome source of revenue, and opened up opportunities to get to know some new people. We were able to accomplish many outdoor projects during the warmer months, along with planting our own version of a “victory” garden this summer. Learning by trial and error that string beans really do need to be unstrung. We were fortunate this year to make a VERY long trip to the Outer Banks for a beachside visit with the ghost crabs. Elijah started his first year of preschool, learning everything from the days of the week to why spiders have 8 legs. Everyday is a new adventure. Gabriel is learning what it means to be an only child 3 days a week, I think he likes it! Elijah is becoming more observant, causing mom and dad to spell everything in code, while Gabe is becoming our little comedian.
John and I are learning to dream big regarding the things that require faith and trust, as well as being challenged to become more thrifty and creative in how we use our resources. We are basking in the simpleness of what this season was meant to be, a spotlight for our dear Saviour's birth.
Like the three trees, we all have dreams. If we trust God and let Him be our guide, he will answer the desires of our heart in ways we never thought imaginable. May God bless you and fulfill your dreams this Christmas season and in the coming year!

One of my favorite parts of Christmas!

Lay 'em down

Driving home on Friday night after work, I had to make an out of the way stop. This song came onto the radio, and though I have heard it several times, something in that moment and in those words struck a chord with me. As I pulled out of the parking lot I found myself in a place of worship. The windows were down, and the moon up ahead reminded me of the stability of my unchanging Saviour. To quote Pearl Asperschlager, "So often we think of the circumstances or the "facts" of our life as being the same thing as the "truth" of our life. In fact, Scripture teaches us that "truth" is something far more than facts". The "truth" that we need as the foundation of our life is not found in the changing circumstances of our day to day living, but rather in the person of Jesus Christ, who is Truth and speaks ultimate Truth and never changes!..." In that sacred moment of worship, I found myself laying my changing circumstances by the river.

Come down to the river
Come and let yourself in
Make good on a promise
To never hurt again
If you're lost and lonely
Broken down
Bring all of your troubles
And come lay 'em down

All you sinners
And the weak at heart
All the helpless
On the boulevards
Wherever you are now
Whatever evil you've found
Bring all of your troubles
And come lay 'em down

We're all tied to the same old failings
Finding shelter in things we know
We're all dirty like corrupted small towns
We'll bring our troubles
We'll bring our troubles
Come lay 'em down

All you rich men
And the high above
All those with
And without love
All you burdened
And turned around
Bring all of your troubles
Come lay 'em down

Some fun summer pictures

These two little boys are inseparable, finally the day has come when they can be playmates, brothers and most importantly friends. They love each other which makes their mommy and daddy very happy!

Jump Jenni Jump

My current addiction as of late has been two blogs, www.jumpdavidjump.typepad.com, and 7schwinns.blogspot.com. Both speak of tragedy, hopefulness, and the faith that is tested and made stronger. The people in these blogs have had to jump from one way of thinking about faith and life, into the reality of trusting a Heavenly Father they can not see, but trust in. They are both drawing on their past memories of God's working in their lives, and trusting in the words of Jesus. I have found myself wondering how I would respond if faced with the same trials and tragedies. Would my faith be strong enough, would I be able to jump from my current frame of mind to one of complete surrender. I am learning so much from these two journeys, both marked with losses and gains, the loss of physical comforts, the gains of spiritual wholeness. These two people are seeing and experiencing the mercy of God in new and refreshing ways, their faith is alive and vibrant. They have hope, not necessarily of surviving and living out their days here on earth, but a hoped marked by one end goal....heaven. They have eternal vision, and peace that passeth all understanding. Most importantly in their greatest need Jesus himself is drawing near to them. He is revealing himself through others reaching out, through prayer, and through His word. I am inspired and encouraged, and excited for these two people and their families and all that God has purposed for them.
"Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom"
Psalm 90:12

An essay on age

Someday (if the blogger world still exists), I will look back on this current posting and hopefully laugh.
My memory is often impaired when it comes to childhood events, but one thing is for sure I remember the birthday parties and family gatherings in relation to the topic of age. There was always some comment to pass between the adults regarding the age related ills of growing older, the comments seeming to pass over our young heads. I remember laughing to myself, and feeling so lucky that I didn't have those same aches and pains, believing that I never would. Growing up and older is humbling business. The longer you live, the more you realize the frailties of humans. The skin changes, and changes in hair, there are aches and pains that come out of nowhere all of a sudden. My own frailties have come to the forefront of my life lately. I have been living with a plantar fascitis, ulcerative colitis, my knees bother me and creek when going up stairs. I can now recognize little crows feet and wrinkles on my face. I find myself kind of freaking out about getting older. I always thought I would handle the aging process with grace and beauty, that I would welcome it and embrace it wholeheartedly.
I work with mostly an elderly, aging population. I try to envision them in their early years, even 10 year earlier, how they must have looked. I ask questions about their lifestyles, not trying to pry, but trying to educate myself. Perhaps I am on the hunt for the fountain of youth, what can I avoid that has caused them to age? I reluctantly resign myself to the truths of growing older in an age obsessed society. I have found that I can control two things, my lifestyle habits.....exercise, vitamins, stress, sleep, diet, and my attitude to aging. My attitude needing to be one of grace and submission to the natural ways of life. And though my memories have failed in recollections of childhood, the topics of aging propel me forward. It is a universal, uncontrolled phenomenon that we must all endure, it is the enduring that matters!